A Man Possessed
by Psyanchosis
Summary: One ending up. Shinji's inspired to do something unexpected.
1. Everybody's Fool

A Man Possessed - An Evangelion songfic  
  
This fic will be based on a selection of songs from Evanescence's new album Fallen. This might have already been done, I know that someone's covering the whole album, but these songs reminded me so much of what could possibly happen in the Evangelion universe. Hell, any song off the Fallen album seems to remind me of Eva...it's bloody freaky...  
  
Evanescence's album, Fallen, comes wtih my highest recommendations. All their songs kick ass, it's like Linkin Park with a piano and a chick. Speaking of which, I'd like to thank Amy, Ben, Francesco and Josh in advance for not suing my ass off. I also pay the same tribute to Evangelion and its creators, Hideaki Anno and Gainax Inc.  
  
Anyway, this is something while I am waiting for the opportunity to work on Where Am I or Total Control. I know what you're thinking, why can't I work on these fics? That's a long story. And if you weren't thinking that, then you were thinking what is Total Control? I'm not saying...but maybe the last gift wasn't really the last...  
  
Oh, and one last thing, while on the subject of my previous works...TakoBalls...It's funny how much my coughs sound like TakoBalls...  
  
Anyway, without further ado, A Man Possessed...  
  
-------------  
  
Shinji had contained himself in his room one more time. Tears flowed freely from his eyes to the pillow underneath, his fragile heart cracking again. This always happened after a fight with Asuka, and he was beginning to realise why. It shocked him when he first realised it, not knowing what to think of himself. While he didn't exactly enjoy the immense mental degradation place on him everyday by her, there was still something about her that made him warm. Something about the way she looked at him sometimes...it was almost as if she...loved him. He dismissed it almost instantly once he thought it a few weeks ago, but more and more strange looks from Asuka made him more and more convinced of the unthinkable.  
  
[But that doesn't make sense,] he told himself, [if she loves me then why doesn't she come out and admit it? Is she scared? Scared that I would reject her?] Shinji almost laughed as he thought that. But that doesn't answer my question...  
  
Suddenly, the words, 'thinking music' came into his head, and he eventually decided he needed his SDAT to solve this problem. He picked it up off his desk, and found that Misato had left one of her pre-2I tapes in there. Shinji looked at it, and went to read the label, only to find that it was in English. He could only make out one word: "Fallen". He shrugged, inserted his earpieces, and played the tape. Apparently the tape was halfway through a song, so he rewinded it a short way, before pressing play again. A haunting guitar riff echoed in Shinji's mind, and the beat faintly mingled with the guitar strums, and then the song began properly.  
  
{Perfect by nature/icons of self-indulgence/just what we all need/more lies about a world that/never was and never will be/have you no shame? don't you see me?/You know you've got everybody fooled...}  
  
The song played on, pulsing through his mind, trudging up memories of a late Saturday night...  
  
--------------  
  
"Tadaima!" Shinji called out, even though once again, no one was there. Misato had another late shift, and Asuka was at Hikari's for the night. [Especially tonight,] Shinji laughed to himself, [there's no way Asuka would risk damaging her complexion by running home in the rain.] He walked in the door, and looked around the house for any chores to be done. He was about to reach for the infinite pile of beer cans on the table, when he spotted an unfamiliar manila folder, sitting opened on the table in front of misato's usual seat.  
  
"What's this?" Shinji peered for a closer look. He quickly skimmed the top few lines, reading "early loss of mother", "withdrawn, overly apologetic", and "possible victim of depression".  
  
"This is my psychological report!" Shinji immediately looked away, closing the folder as if it were some ancient curse that mustn't be read. Just then the phone rang. Shinji reached over and picked it up off the table. "Hello?"  
  
"Shinji! Where's Misato?" Asuka. Anyone could pick her voice. Hell, the neighbors could probably hear her through the phone right now...  
  
"Um, I dunno...she's at..."  
  
"What do you mean, you don't know!? God, you can be so dense sometimes!"  
  
Shinji started trembling. "She's at work..."  
  
"Well, I finally get an answer out of you! Hey, look, it's already morning!"  
  
Shinji hung up. He really couldn't be fucked putting up with her tonight, the one night he doesn't have to take any of her crap. His eyes glanced back to the manila folder. Maybe, he thought to himself, maybe Asuka's past is in there. Maybe I can see why she's such a bitch all the time.  
  
He picked up the manila folder, and flicked to a page he half expected to be there: entitled Asuka Langley Sohryu...  
  
--------------  
  
Shinji had put the song on repeat, going over the lyrics in his mind over and over. She only puts other people down because she needs to, so she can feel like she's important...  
  
"Hey, Shinji!" he heard a familiar cry from the hallway, "Where the fuck is my dinner!?"  
  
Almost as if to mimic his own thoughts, the song played on: {Look here she comes now/bow down and stare in wonder/oh how we love you/no flaws when you're pretending...}  
  
Shinji walked out of his room calmly, in a music-fuelled but contained anger. [She does all this because she's insecure within herself...and she calls me the weakling...]  
  
Asuka was out there, tapping her foot impatiently. "Finally a response! Now where's my food?"  
  
{But now i know she/never was and never will be/you don't know how you've betrayed me/and somehow you've got everybody fooled...}  
  
"Get it yourself," Shinji muttered as he walked back into his room.  
  
"Wait a second, baka!" Asuka reached out and grabbed the Third Child. "Listen up..."  
  
"NO!" Shinji shouted, "YOU FUCKING LISTEN!" Asuka was shocked. [But...Shinji never stands up for himself...]  
  
"Ooh! But Shinji never stands up for himself!" Shinji was mocking Asuka predictable thought process. "That's how I know I'm better than he is! I need to tell myself I'm better than everyone else because otherwise I'm fucking useless!" Shinji quit the high pitched imitation voice. "And you thought I was pathetic..."  
  
Asuka looked as though she had been stabbed. "How...did you find out...?"  
  
"That's not the point here, Asuka," Shinji said, "The point is that I'm not going to put up with your pathetic attempt at making a name for yourself anymore! I'm sick of it!" The music fuelled him on: {Without the mask/where will you hide?/Can't find yourself/Lost in your lie...}  
  
[No...] Asuka was on breaking point. [Anyone but him...]  
  
"And to think at one stage I was falling in love with you!" Shinji shouted now. Asuka looked like Shinji had ripped out her heart, ground it into the floor, and set fire to it. Asuka's was speechless, her face etched in shock and horror.  
  
Shinji was surprised by this new development. "Oh, so you did actually love me..." {I know the truth now/I know who you are...}  
  
He leaned in closer, for an instant, almost feeling sorry for the girl in front of him, still etched with fear and shock. "Well, maybe you shuld've thought about that before you treated me like shit for the past few months..."  
  
Shinji muttered the last lines of the verse in her ear. "{I don't love you anymore...}" With that, he left the flat. Asuka couldn't believe what she heard. [No...Shinji...not him...]  
  
Asuka fell to her knees, face buried into her hands, whimpering soft cries, letting the tears flow down her arms.  
  
Shinji opened the door slightly, looking in on the girl he just rejected. He didn't need to tell anyone the truth, when he could let the SDAT play it for him.  
  
{Now you're everybody's fool...} 


	2. Tourniquet

A Man Possessed - An Evangelion songfic  
  
This fic will be based on a selection of songs from Evanescence's new album Fallen. This might have already been done, I know that someone's covering the whole album, but these songs reminded me so much of what could possibly happen in the Evangelion universe. Hell, any song off the Fallen album seems to remind me of Eva...it's bloody freaky...  
  
I'd like to thank Amy, Ben, Francesco and Josh in advance for not suing my ass off. I also pay the same tribute to Evangelion and its creators, Hideaki Anno and Gainax Inc. I'd like to thank all of the people who have already reviewed this fic, and thank them for their much appreciated response. To be honest, I didn't think my fics were TakoBalls material, but from the response, I guess some people think they are. Thanks a lot guys.  
  
If you want a really good songfic, check out the original Fallen, by MFNOmega. It's far better than my effort, in my opinion. It was this that inspired me to write A Man Possessed to begin with (that and the songs themselves).  
  
This chapter is based on Tourniquet. I tried desperately to think of a better song on the album to base Asuka's depression on, to be original, but I just couldn't...ah well...  
  
Anyway, without further ado, A Man Possessed: Tourniquet -------------  
  
[He hates me...] She lay there, her eyes open, but with a glaze and lack of focus over them that suggested they weren't being used. She lay there, thinking of her situation. The one person who had ever really loved her in this new country had just rejected her. The one person who gave a shit about her had just abandoned her. She thought back to every time she had called him an idiot, a dumbkopf, a moron, and every word that went through her head drove a dagger into her heart.  
  
[Why did I take my act so far? Why?...] Asuka's eyes were still looking into the sky, barely covered by the half-collapsed roof above her, what was part of a family's bathroom. She lay there, in the darkness, arms flailing over the side of the tub, a song that Misato had once played going over and over in her head.  
  
{I tried to kill my pain, but only brought more...} Asuka knew it was true. The only reason that she treated Shinji like a fool was to assure herself that she was worth something. Just like Shinji said...a pathetic spineless wench...  
  
She felt a warm liquid beneath her, running down her arm and gathering in the bottom of the tub, soaking her back. [I'm useless,] she told herself, [There's no point in me going on...]  
  
{I lay dying, and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal...}  
  
[Mamma knew best, she wanted me to come with her...] Asuka thought about her one friend in this place. [I'm sorry, Hikari...I can't go on...]  
  
Memories from the fight the night before flooded back to Asuka. ["And to think at one stage I was falling in love with you!"] ["You thought I was the pathetic one..."] ["I don't love you anymore..."]  
  
[I love you, Shinji...] she thought bitterly, [I still do...I'm sorry you never saw that in me...]  
  
She felt her body getting weaker, the pain in her arms easing a little. [He never knew...]  
  
{I'm dying...praying...bleeding...and screaming...}  
  
[I have to tell him... He has to know...] Asuka tried to get up, but found she couldn't. [Lost too much blood already...please find me here, Shinji...]  
  
{Am I too lost to be saved? Am I too lost?}  
  
----------------  
  
"Tadaima!" Misato shouted from the door.  
  
"Hey, Misato," Shinji replied, "No late shift tonight?"  
  
"No, Ritsuko's covering for me..." Misato walked inside. "Where's Asuka?"  
  
"At Hikari's, I think," Shinji replied. Shinji went to his room, only to find a piece of paper on the bed. He picked it up curiously, unsure of what it was exactly. Opening it, he read the sheet's scrawl, recognising the poorly illustrated characters as Asuka's. He could only read sections of it, finding a pair of kanji symbols even he wasn't familiar with.  
  
"My .....," it read, "You were what saved me for so long, but now you've began to bleed through. Thank you for keeping me here so long, and sorry for the pain I've caused you. But now I don't have you to save me anymore. You were my ....., my salvation... It's too late."  
  
Shinji looked at the letter strangely. [This isn't like Asuka...] He looked at the unknown characters. He tried to correct them on a sheet of paper a few times, finally finding what he thought was what the kanji were supposed to look like.  
  
"Misato?" he called out.  
  
Misato came into his room. "Yes?"  
  
"What does this say?" he held the sheet that he had wrote to Misato.  
  
"Hmm...a tourniquet..."  
  
Shinji was confused. "A what?"  
  
"Tourniquet," Misato repeated, "It's an arm bandage, you wind it around your arm really tight, to stop blood from escaping...that's funny, Asuka asked me how to write this yesterday..."  
  
Shinji finally came to the realisation of the letter. {My God, my tourniquet, return to me salvation...} [That song...the lines in Asuka's letter are all in that song...oh my God, Asuka's letter was a suicide note!]  
  
"Shit!" Shinji leapt from his chair and ran for the kitchen. Misato looked on in confusion as Shinji ran for the door, clutching a roll of bandages.  
  
[God, Asuka, I hope it's not too late,] Shinji thought to himself as he ran as fast and as hard as he could to a location that only he had seen Asuka go before, [Please, don't die on me!]  
  
As he ran, words from Asuka's psychological report floated to the top of his mind: "dependant on superiority", "depression", "suicidal tendencies"... [Why didn't I see this sooner!?]  
  
---------------  
  
[Shinji won't come after me...] Asuka thought to herself, with her slowly weakening mind, [He hates me now...]  
  
{Do you remember me?/lost for so long/will you be on the other side?/or will you forget me?}  
  
Her vision had deteriorated badly, she could only barely make out the moon as it shone down on her almost lifeless body. Her bloody arms still sat on the bathtub, as they had done earlier, the slits still oozing blood as they had done earlier, albeit not at the same pace. [Mamma...I'm coming...]  
  
{My wounds cry for the grave/My soul cries for deliverance/will I be denied/Christ/tourniquiet...}  
  
Asuka's eyes slowly closed of their own accord. {My suicide...}  
  
Her brain barely registered the nearby voice. It couldn't recognise what it was saying or who it was. It could no longer recognise the feel of the bandage entangling around her forearms, the almost unrelenting flow of blood ceasing. It couldn't recognise the figure leaning over her lifeless corpse, embracing her, or the tears falling onto her bare chest...  
  
------------------  
  
Shinji had done his best to make Asuka...presentable. He figured it was best to do, he didn't want questions about his integrity asked by people who would inevitably spot him carrying the body on his back while he took the body to the hospital. He only had time to replace her school shirt and dress; anything else would have put Asuka's life at risk. As he walked into the hospital, emergency staff rushed to his aid, helping him support the girl's weight as far as a gurney. They commented on Shinji's use of the two tourniquets to stop the bleeding while they rushed to connect her to intravenous drips and pulse monitors. These rushing words and thoughts went by an oblivious Shinji Ikari, as he watched the life of his true love slip away...  
  
-----------------------------------  
  
Well, there's chapter 2, another result of listening to too much Evanescence and watching too much Evangelion. If you like it, tell me at psyanchosis@yahoo.com.au, or just review the fic, so I can reply. Sayonara! 


	3. Taking Over Me

A Man Possessed - An Evangelion songfic  
  
This fic will be based on a selection of songs from Evanescence's new album Fallen. This might have already been done, I know that someone's covering the whole album, but these songs reminded me so much of what could possibly happen in the Evangelion universe. Hell, any song off the Fallen album seems to remind me of Eva...it's bloody freaky...  
  
I'd like to thank Amy, Ben, Francesco and Josh in advance for not suing my ass off. I also pay the same tribute to Evangelion and its creators, Hideaki Anno and Gainax Inc. It's good to hear that people like this songfic so much. To be honest it started out as a time-filling project, but seeing as people liked it so, I have continued it. I'll probably only do one more song after this, but if I can think of more ideas, I'll do more.  
  
This chapter is based on the song Taking Over Me. Shinji reached Asuka, just as she slipped into unconsciousness. Shinji has maintained an almost constant bedside vigil, his heart as fragile as her tattered soul...  
  
Anyway, without further ado, A Man Possessed: Taking Over Me  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------------  
  
[Three days...]  
  
Shinji was seated in the only chair in the room, a hard, wooden one. Shinji, however, couldn't feel the bony spokes of the chair frame digging into his back or the cold sterility of the room in general. All that he could see was the figure lying in the bed, all he could hear was the steady, slow beep of the heart monitor, all he could feel was guilt, sorrow and a heavy form of hope.  
  
{You don't remember me, but I remember you...}  
  
The song that had been haunting him since the incident began playing back in his mind. His guilt overwhelmed him, reminded him that he was the one who pushed Asuka over the edge, it was his fault that she did this to herself...  
  
{I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you...}  
  
"Asuka..." Shinji raised his head, to see the still resting body of Asuka Sohryu, lifting a hand to stroke her head gently. He gazed into her heavenly face, eyelids closed over her azure eyes.  
  
"...You look so peaceful when you sleep..." he said, calmly, maintaining his composure, "...I can't stop thinking about you..."  
  
{But who can decide what they dream? And dream I do...}  
  
[Anytime I close my eyes, yours open up...it scares me...if I don't see them again soon, I'll see them every time I close my eyes for the rest of my life...]  
  
"I'm..." Shinji tried as hard as he could to keep his cool, but he soon broke down, tears dropping onto the pillow next to Asuka's head, as Shinji hid his face with his arms. "Damn it, it's all my fault!" he wailed, "I didn't mean what I said, Asuka, I just wanted to shut you up!"  
  
His sobs could be heard from the hallway. "I'm...so sorry, Asuka...please...I need you..."  
  
{I believe in you/I'll give up everything just to find you/I have to be with you to live, to breathe/you're taking over me...}  
  
Shinji remembered the one incident that started it all, when he had finally confronted Asuka with her deepest, darkest secret, and threw another secret of hers right back into her face, a secret that she even kept from herself: that she loved Shinji.  
  
"I had no idea you felt this way..." he said, in between whimpers, "I didn't mean to throw it in your face like that...I was angry..."  
  
{Have you forgotten all I know and all we had?}  
  
"Damn it, Asuka...if you weren't too proud to admit you loved me, none of this would've happened..." Shinji lowered his head. "No...it was my fault..."  
  
[I've been here for four days...I wonder what they think at school...]  
  
"Please...it's driving me nuts, Asuka...come back soon..." Shinji stood up to leave, and turned his head. He took one step to the door, then stopped. [I was too rough on her...]  
  
{You saw me mourning my love for you and touched my hand...I knew you loved me then...}  
  
Another step, slightly slower than the last. [Why did I have to be so violent? Why couldn't I just take it lightly...]  
  
His next step out the door was more confident. [Because she had abused me since she knew me, despite the fact that she loved me...and I loved her...]  
  
Another step toward the door, slower than ever. He looked up, and saw his reflection in the door. He could swear he saw his lost love's eyes stare back at him.  
  
Shinji saw his eyes begin to water. {I look in the mirror, and see your face, if I look deep enough...}  
  
Shinji let out a howl of despair, running back to the prone Second Child, arms wrapping around her, taking care not to disturb her injured wrists. "I'm sorry!" he cried, louder and more stricken than before, "I didn't want you to do this! I only wanted your respect! God, I'm sorry Asuka!"  
  
He broke down once more, his body collapsing gently onto Asuka's tall frame. "I...I need you, Asuka..." he sobbed, "Please...come back...I need to see you smile again...please wake up soon, Asuka..."  
  
He gazed into her face again. She seemed so...lifeless...as if someone had taken Asuka and left a porcelain doll.  
  
"C'mon, Asuka, wake up...say something...call me an idiot like you always do, I don't care, just do anything!" Shinji started to shake the bed in an effort to stir her. "Please!"  
  
{So many things inside that are just like you are taking over...}  
  
"I know you can wake up...don't leave me, Asuka..." {I believe in you...}  
  
"I'll do anything..." {I'll give up everything just to find you...}  
  
"...I...love you, Asuka..." {I have to be with you...}  
  
"I can't stop thinking about you..." {To live...}  
  
"Please..." {To breathe...}  
  
"{You're taking over me...}"  
  
----------------  
  
Toji walked into the hospital once again, as he had done ever since his sister was admitted there. The nurses knew why he was here, why he had come here every week for the past half-year. This time he had brought flowers.  
  
Usually he was the only one to visit, but this time he saw another name. [Shinji? This isn't his writing, though...] He casually flipped the last few pages over, and saw his friend's name, over and over again, until, five days ago, he saw his friend's name, in his writing.  
  
[He's been here for three days!? But why? And if he's here, where's Asuka?] Toji shrugged and entered the hospital, heading up the familiar "Serious Injuries" ward. On his way, he saw nothing but empty rooms, closed doors. [Nothing unusual here...gotta find Shinji later...]  
  
He didn't need to put much effort into it, for as he walked into his sister's wing, there were not one, but two open doors. Toji walked to the nearer one first, and poked his head into the door.  
  
"Shinji?" The figure in the room didn't move, he remained lying over a person lying in the bed, in doing so obscuring Toji's view of who it was, but Toji knew it was he. [But who's in the bed..?]  
  
"Shinji? Are you alright?" Shinji shifted slightly, letting a lock of red hair fall from the bed, hanging over the edge.  
  
[Asuka!? Why is he so worried about her?] Toji backed away slightly, remembering her sister. "Listen, man, if you want to talk to someone, me and Kensuke will be there, okay?"  
  
No reply. "I-I gotta go see my sister. You want me to come back?"  
  
Still no reply. "G-Good bye, Shinji..." he said as he walked off.  
  
----------------  
  
Sorry about the delay guys, I've been splitting my time between my other fics, Where Am I and Total Control. I'll try to hurry the next one along. In the meantime, seeya... 


	4. Bring Me To Life

A Man Possessed - An Evangelion/Evanescence songfic  
  
I'd like to thank Amy, Ben, Francesco and Josh in advance for not suing my ass off. I also pay the same tribute to Evangelion and its creators, Hideaki Anno and Gainax Inc. I'd like to thank all of the people who have already reviewed this fic, and thank them for their much-appreciated response. To be honest, I didn't think my fics were TakoBalls material, but from the response, I guess some people think they are. Thanks a lot guys.  
  
If you want a really good songfic, check out the original Fallen, by MFNOmega. It's far better than my effort, in my opinion. It was this that inspired me to write A Man Possessed to begin with (that and the songs themselves).  
  
This is the last one of the series. It was intended to be a one-off from the beginning, so a bonus three chapters isn't that bad, is it? Sorry about taking so long, by the way, I've been tied up with a lot of schoolwork, seeing as this is my last year and all.  
  
------------------------  
  
[Is this death?] Asuka sat alone in what must have been her mindscape: a familiar looking train cabin, rumbling in silence through the sunset. She glanced around, and saw that no one else was on the train.  
  
[What a boring way to go out...] she thought to herself in usual Asuka attitude, despite her mental state and condition. The German girl looked down, and saw that her wrists were still gaping and pouring claret onto the seat below. She wished she hadn't done what she had done. She knew it was a stupid thing to do, but what else did she live for? Who else..?  
  
Asuka mentally slapped herself. [Why am I even thinking like this!? It wasn't always like this! I didn't used to have to live for anybody! Why am I having second thoughts about this?]  
  
A sickening squelch at her side informed her that her blood was moving. Asuka couldn't believe it as the blood began to take a shape that had haunted her dreams ever since childhood: herself.  
  
(You're having second thoughts,) the child-like Asuka said to herself, (because you still care for people in your life...)  
  
"Who the hell are you?" Asuka asked timidly, a little freaked out by the whole "blood turning into human" thing.  
  
(I am the part of you that wants to survive...the part of you that needs other people...)  
  
"I don't need anyone," Asuka growled, "I never have, I never will. I HATE THEM!"  
  
(What about the Eva?)  
  
"I used to need that to make my life worth living, but there's no point any more. It's rejected me..."  
  
(What about Misato? Hikari? Your other friends?)  
  
"I'm just a job to Misato! Hikari became my friend because she wanted to be kind. And what friends!? They're just a bunch of leeches feeding off my popularity!"  
  
Blood-Asuka paused before asking her next question. (What about Shinji?)  
  
Asuka's blood boiled (figure of speech). "How DARE you!? I don't care for that idiot! He dumped me! I'm happier without him!"  
  
(You're happier here? On your own? Without him?)  
  
"YES!" Asuka yelled, "Now leave me alone!"  
  
(I think you're lying.)  
  
"How the hell would you..." Asuka stopped, realising the answer to her question.  
  
(I would know because I am you.) The truth hit Asuka hard. She was running away from the fact that she loved him, despite her actions against him. It drove her so far that she killed herself...  
  
Thoughts of the Third Child invaded her mind, unwanted but accepted... [Those eyes...was it in his blood? He could stare into your soul with those...]  
  
{How can you see into my eyes like open doors?}  
  
Memories of the precious moments in which she was civil to him rushed back to her. A conversation involving her mother stood out in her mind. [I shared my deepest secrets with him...without even knowing it...]  
  
{Leading you down into my core, where I've become so numb without a soul...my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold...}  
  
[I did love him...] Images of Shinji handing her soup, talking to her, doing things for her whenever she asked, smiling serenely despite the stress placed on him. [...and...he loved me...]  
  
"I'm the idiot..." she said softly, "I shouldn't have abused you like that..."  
  
(Do you still want to go to Mother?) the Blood-Asuka was beginning to...well...melt.  
  
"No...I want to live...I have to live! I have to face Shinji!"  
  
(What if Shinji doesn't want you?)  
  
Asuka went silent. "He has to..." she muttered.  
  
{...Until you find it there and lead it back home...}  
  
(But think of the way you treated him...do you really think he'll want you back?)  
  
Asuka's mind filled with the majority of her conversations with the Third Child: "Agh! Perverse dumpkopf!" "You idiot!" "It's all your fault, you jerk!" "Of course that idiot Shinji is nowhere to be found!" "Stop contradicting me, you moron!"  
  
"But...he didn't say anything about it..." Asuka muttered.  
  
(Because he didn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you how he really felt...)  
  
"I'm sorry, Shinji...please forgive me..." {Wake me up inside...}  
  
Asuka looked around, and the thought suddenly dawned on her that this train was heading somewhere. "Uh...where's this train headed?"  
  
(The end. It's taking you to eternity. And it won't stop.)  
  
Asuka spun around sharply, splattering the blood seeping from her cuts across the train window. "No! I don't want to die! Stop the train!" {Wake me up inside...}  
  
Asuka looked on, smiling enigmatically. (It won't stop, Asuka Sohryu.)  
  
Asuka panicked, and began to run towards the back of the train. "No! It has to stop! I want to get off! I don't want to die! I can't die! He needs me! I DON'T WANT TO DIE! SHINJI!"  
  
{Call my name and save me from the dark...}  
  
Asuka's arms began to feel numb as they pumped at her sides, carrying her further and faster to the end of the train. More of her essence splashed to the ground, cascading from her forearms, but it didn't seem to stop Asuka from running, or slow her down. {Bid my blood to run, before I come undone...}  
  
"Shinji! I was the pathetic one! I'm sorry! Please, take me back!" she cried, tears falling from her face, almost at the same rate as her bleeding forearms. {Save me from the nothing I've become...}  
  
(Even I didn't realise how much you really care for Shinji,) Blood-Asuka commented, soaking the blood at her feet as she moved down the train, maturing as if by magic, (I'm sorry, but this train won't stop for you...)  
  
{Now that I know what I'm without, you can't just leave me...} Asuka continued to run, remembering her sins against her secret love. "God, I'm sorry! I'll make it up to you! Please, just take me back, I...I LOVE YOU!" Asuka flung the final door open, and was greeted by the tracks rushing away from her, the breeze flinging her hair around like individual strands of rag doll. She paused for a second.  
  
[I can't get off...] Asuka felt tears rise again, [I can't get back...]  
  
(You've stopped...why?) the now mature bloody Asuka whispered into the frightened girl's ear, (Don't you love him?)  
  
"Of course I love him!" Asuka snapped, rearing her head towards her spectre, "You should know that, shouldn't you!? He'll take me back, I swear!" {Breathe into me and make me real...bring me to life...}  
  
(Then why have you stopped?) The illusion grinned, (You mustn't love him too much if you're not willing to give your life for him...)  
  
Asuka looked back at the track in horror. [I have to jump?!] She turned back to the bloody ghost of herself, seething with rage at her predicament.  
  
"I don't need you telling me what to do! Go away!" she screamed, swinging a fist toward her moniker's face, and gasped as her fist passed directly through the spray of blood that was the spectre's face. The remainder of her body flowed to the ground, spattering Asuka with red fluid. Her face froze, not believing what she saw.  
  
[She just exploded...] she stayed in shock until a metallic taste began to trickle into her mouth.  
  
"Aagh! Blood!" she cried, spitting over the edge. She looked out again, petrified at the thought of jumping from the carriage, breaking her legs on the first few sleepers, then her back and neck...  
  
{Wake me up inside...call my name and save me from the dark...} Asuka climbed over the guard rail, her legs now perched on the bottom of the rail while her hands clutched to the top. {Bid my blood to run, before I come undone...save me from the nothing I become...}  
  
"I'm coming, Shinji..." she said quietly as she let go, kicking away from the train with her legs. The few seconds she spend in the air seemed like an eternity. {Bring me to life...} Asuka watched the railway sleepers pass below her faster now, as she almost floated over them, growing ever closer...  
  
--------------  
  
Her eyes jerked open, and focused on the hospital ceiling. Loud sobs could be heard next to her head, as she felt a pair of arms around her shoulders. Her heavily bandaged arm looped around the boy hugging her, collapsing over his back. Tears came to her eyes as she began to breathe again.  
  
{Bring me to life.} 


End file.
